My Perpetrators favorite Teachings

#3

My rapist had these ‘New Age’ teachings and catch phrases that the rest of the world might find nice and quaint, but I see as down right dangerous. For the record, I do not believe that he actually believes this bullshit. He found something that ‘works’.  He manipulates people, and it is ALL he knows how to do. He stumbled on this type of belief system that literally TEACHES sociopathic ‘principles’ and dissociation to the suggestible, vulnerable or open-minded. This believe system is PERFECT for Narcissists because they can control those that are searching for answers, with out the victims actually realizing what is going on. If a victim DOES see what is going on and tries to stop it, this mindset always offers a way to ‘justify’ both what the perpetrator did, and a reason as to why it was ‘your fault’. I think its something this perpetrator had to force himself to ‘believe’, if you will, in order to justify the lack of conscience or emotion.

Coercive Persuasion (much like hypnotism, only with more force) is a tool that con-artists will use against everyone and anyone. To these types of people every relationship, every move is simply a transaction to gain control and get what they want from others. From the space of an “authority figure” this is a dangerous tool that can rip apart the minds, bodies and souls of the victim and it can be seen running RAMPANT in the ‘New Age’ and ‘Spiritual communities’. The following are but a few cheap phrases that my rapist has built his empire of millions of followers on top of and what this REALLY mean to one of his rape victims.

 

  • “You can have, do or be ANYTHING you want.” 

Anything? ANYTHING? You can’t HAVE someone that doesn’t want you! Having been Raped and Sexually abused by this person, I find it sickening that other people out there use this phrase. I didn’t want you. But you felt entitled to me regardless of what I wanted. I said “NO” loud and clear but that wasn’t good enough. You were obsessed with me and you were going to do anything it took to have me. You stole me, and you won’t walk away from this so easily. I became lost when you said that I create my own reality… I became godless when you told me you were god and then you raped me.

  • “What you Resist Persists.”

A perfect phrase for a Rapist. I told him “NO” over and over again. He kept getting more and more persistent. He kept advancing despite my obvious protest. They call it Tonic Immobility when you freeze during this type of flight or fight scenario. My rapist wouldn’t take no for an answer. He was going to do whatever it took. I did everything I could until I couldn’t fight it off anymore. I RESISTED, I fought, I said “NO”, I was crying and yet he wouldn’t fucking stop. I HATE this phrase. There is NOTHING true about it. If you feel the need to resist something- that feeling is THERE for a REASON and please don’t allow ANYONE to take your internal compass away from you. These “teachers” just attempt to lead people into a mindset where they are completely SUGGESTIBLE.

  •  “Love is ALL there is.”

This phrase is disturbing because it can warp the perception of what love is for the Victim. When I was recording our final confrontation (unbeknownst to you), you told me “Everything I did, I did out of Love” and to this day, this phrase is slimy and degrading as it ever was. I DIDN’T WANT YOU. I hated you. You are despicable. You are the most deranged person I have ever met in my life. What you did to me was not love. It was greedy and spineless. RAPE IS NOT LOVE you ugly son of a bitch. “Love is all there is?”  Tell me that again once the world knows what you are.

 

And to my rapist:

Not that you care, dick- but I was sure of myself and confident from a young age. I was sure of myself when I was 21 and decided to travel with 3 people that I had never met. I loved meeting new people and I wanted adventure. I was sure of myself when I told you that I wanted to be friends when you wanted something more. I was sure of myself when I didn’t want to be touched. I was sure of myself I said no when you tried to get my into the shower with you.  AND i was fucking confident in the fact I never wanted to have sex with you…that I never wanted you inside of me. You ripped me apart. And yet there you are trying to “save the world” when time fucking STOPPED for me. My life nearly ended. If you are so keen on “heaven on earth”  “honesty” “truth” “connection” “love” “living in light”, “ascending” and “higher vibrations”- I would take a burning fiery Hell any day. I might appear like the goddamned Devil to some of your followers. I’m a black hole and I don’t care. Because I know the truth. You are a liar. Your empire of delusion. Your fake tears, your pitiful gimmick of “youth” and “innocence”, your god-complex… You are a living lie and you will NEVER silence me again. Is this too “dense” for you? The truth? Get a fucking backbone, bitch. This is what reality feels like.

In the words of Ida Maria: “The Universe is gonna getcha… Bad Karma’s a Bitch”

9 thoughts on “My Perpetrators favorite Teachings

  1. I really respect you sharing this and I’m extremely sorry that you went through such a difficult situation. I grew up with narcissistic abusers and when I first started dabbling in the new age, I bypassed all their abuse and tried to forgive them and ‘live in the now’ instead. I started spending time with them again, even though I was meant to go no contact because I believed that once I had gained that ‘love and light’ within me, they would change too…so I believed that it was all my fault that my parents were abusers, basically. The spiral of abuse just repeated and I continued gravitating towards feel good new age stuff as a way to not deal with my trauma. New age spirituality phrases like the ones you mentioned do NOT work for people that have been around abusers.

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  2. Hello, Tori! You don’t know me. You don’t want to know me. We have nothing to do with Jordan. If you insist on involving me in your shit, it’s going to get real ugly real quick. Leave us alone. I’m trying to do some good in the world and I’m not going to allow you, him or any other drama to get in my way. If we had stolen anything, there would’ve been a court case. You shouldn’t assume. I should also mention that I’m not one to say much. I won’t be saying anything else to you.

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    1. First of all… what the fuck are you talking about? I don’t know who you are and could care less if you stole anything- especially from that fucker. Because I don’t know you, how can you assume that I am doing anything to harm whatever good you are doing in the world. If you don’t say much at all and don’t intend on saying anything else, you should at very least attempt to make sense the first time- because I have no idea what you are talking about. Also, nice of you to call me out by name- that’s a dangerous move in this case. Not only me but the perp too. No shame in your game.

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  3. There isn’t much a stranger can offer in terms of condolences for such a tragedy, but for what it is worth, I truly empathize with your writing, and everything you feel is a completely normal thing for someone to feel. Who wouldn’t be outraged…it would be psychopathic for anyone to try to turn your emotional response to this against you and somehow try to make you into a bad guy. You were clearly taken advantage of by a very creepy person who abused your mental state to coerce you into agreeing to something you did not want.

    Though the courts may have to rule against criminal prosecution because of the circumstances and how our legal system is set up, hopefully he feels guilt, disgust and harbors discontent toward himself for his actions. I know a true psychopath will always twist a situation to be everyone else’s fault and never take personal blame, but their very own new age belief system is built on self-examination and constantly asking “am I the best person I can be?” and the answer in his case was no.

    I am so shocked to discover what a creepy cult they seem to have developed out of this new age movement. Like you said though, he probably doesn’t even believe these philosophies himself and just uses them as justification for his own actions…

    Though you have been through so much and all your reactions are perfectly valid, and I would be equally disgusted by any creepy phrases someone who abused me said to me, I hope over time you don’t push away concepts such as “You can have, do or be ANYTHING you want.” This obviously was not understood by your assaulter, and was merely a catch phrase to use to justify negative actions but the philosophy is that we can accomplish our dreams (if they don’t hurt others) if we put our mind to it. It doesn’t mean we can abuse others, take what we want from them, and do anything we want to anyone or anything we come across. It just means we don’t have to be trapped by our thinking, we don’t have to live our lives any particular way, we can choose to be good, we can choose to be bad, we can become an astronaut, we can find answers to the great questions…not that we can abuse people….

    Same thing with the other phrases. These are philosophical ideas, they did not make him a rapist, he was a rapist and he used these ideas (falsely) to justify his actions. Just because he was a creepy psycho does not mean there is no truth to concepts such as “what we resist, persists,” it just means how we apply them to our lives can either be in a way that is REAL, or in a psychopathic way that is a LIE. Philosophy is just a lens from which we understand the world.

    I must tell you and anyone else reading that ANY ideology is dangerous. ANY belief system is dangerous. ANY philosophy is dangerous: In the wrong hands. Just because people claim to believe something does not mean they understand it, or even that they believe it. In your case you met people who were slaves to their ideologies, cutting off their emotions, empathy and choosing only bits and pieces of the philosophies they read, and only the bits and pieces that reaffirmed their own biases and desires to control and amass power over others. They are blind. They are slaves.

    This does not mean everyone who believes in “New Age” concepts is being victimized. This does not mean everyone who tries to teach others about “New Age” concepts is trying to abuse or manipulate others.

    These philosophies have many truths to them, and it is not the philosophy that causes harm to people, it is psychopaths who get their hands on philosophy and use it to hurt others or selectively choose only what they want to believe to confirm their own biases and falsehoods.

    I am sorry this guy fucked up such a large part of your growth as a person, but hopefully in the long run this makes you a stronger person than you ever dreamed you could become. In the end, you will be a far superior person to him with a far better understanding of the world, and he will be the one closed off in the darkness, believing his own delusions while you are truly free.

    Don’t let what happened to you blind you to the truth.
    I wish the best for you and your future, I hope you have an endlessly happy life after this and I hope he and his cult friends reexamine themselves and discover what a twisted and dark lie they have become: an echo chamber of cut and paste philosophy with no actual understanding of what it means other than “how can I use this to benefit me and get what I want” which is NOT love, and is NOT truth.

    My two cents.

    Good luck,

    Jordan Winslow
    Political Writer & Music Composer
    http://thecostofcapitalism.wordpress.com
    http://JordanWinslow.me

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    1. Thank you for your response. I was devastated when I found this yesterday. The people surrounding what happened to this young woman were people I had been following for such a long time. I was shocked at their responses. Was shocked it had happened at all. But most of all, it rocked the foundation of my own path, the Truth I had been seeking. But thinking about it from the perspective that just because he used these ideologies to back up wrongful acts, does not mean the ideologies themselves are flawed. No human is perfect. Any leader of any ideology will have skeletons in their closet. How would we ever know any philosophy is true unless we apply it to our own lives to see if it works?

      To the writer of this blog: I’m sorry this happened to you. I’m sorry that those who had the power to stand with you, didn’t. I can’t imagine what it would be like to try and get the police involved only to find out our justice system is hugely flawed. What it would be like to come out to his community, your previous friends, only for them to turn their backs on you as the victim. Especially when their main message is how to overcome trauma. But I am glad you’re able to talk about it now, and the transformation that you have gone through in the past 6 years has clearly made you into one strong badass. 🙂 I was molested when I was younger, and your progression gave me hope for my own.

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    2. These were my thoughts too. I completely completely agree with this. You explained it so well.
      Those ideologies themselves are not bad, certain ones if used at certain times can be so beneficial, and it does depend on how they are interpreted.

      He said in a video, that he spent so much time thinking about what you said. I think he was thinking about everything he could say to manipulate the sitiuation. I think what he does is take ideas that are simple to understand, and form them to override his own sense of right and wrong. Use his definition to excuse himself and play god. It’s wrong. So disgusting. And I hate that. I hate you had to suffer this ordeal.
      But yes I think New Age stuff is fine when used properly, never to hurt people, just as Christianity, Christians whom have constantly demonized groups of people since the dawn of time. Except for those individuals who believe their own version of it, an accepting version. People who believe in a god who accents get people for example.
      It’s about WHO uses the tool. Two different people can believe the same exact thing and one could just be manipulating it and not truly believing it, just using it for their own gain…

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